Lein no Boken
by Vividoll
Summary: Jhudora's insane little daughter goes on an adventure involving bobbing for ferocious neggs, tacks on the Poogle racing track and a Black Waltz from FFIX! Rated for swearing and EXTREME INSANITY!
1. The wheel of unpleasant excitement

Chapter 1: The wheel of Excitement-of-an-unpleasant-kind  
  
It was a sunny day in Faerieland, and there were hundreds of neopets gathered at the wheel of excitement. A young Kacheek was spinning the wheel, hoping to win the 10,000 NP. The wheel passed 10,000 though, and landed on mystery prize.  
  
"Oh, well. I guess a few NP is better than none.^^0" said The Kacheek.  
  
Suddenly there was the smell of something burning in the air.  
  
"Does anyone smell that?" asked the Kacheek.  
  
As if on cue, someone screamed and drew attention to the fact that he was on fire.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" The Kacheek screamed bloody murder as the flames ate his fur and bit his skin. There was much screaming and turmoil, until some genius remembered what everyone is taught in kindergarten, and yelled for him to stop, drop, and roll.  
  
"OKAY!!" Screamed one fairy. "WHO THE HELL IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?!?!"  
  
Illusen rolled her eyes. "You know who it is." She grumbled.  
  
Meanwhile, in the bushes just within seeing distance of the Wheel of Excitement, an eight-year-old Dark Faerie with Purple and green hair, cut chin length, except for one strand that reached her shoulders and was bound at her right temple sat in the bushes laughing her head off. She was wearing green pants and a shirt, and a purple jacket resembling her mother's dress, and last but not least, accompanied by her Darigan Zafara, Ashitaka. Ashitaka was laughing too. After all, The wheel was his idea, but Jhudora's daughter had come up with the fire.  
  
"Th- that was- (hee hee hee) Our best prank yet- AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Laughed the Faerie  
  
"Yeah! You should have seen the look on his face when that Acara pointed the flames out! FEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH! (a/n: That's his evil laugh.)  
  
While they were laughing, a two-headed Darigan Zafara Plushie fell from Ashitaka's red backpack. He gulped, and they both went silent. The Faerie began to look REALLY angry. Finally, she spoke.  
  
"Yooooooou. BASTARD!!!"  
  
Without a second thought, She dove towards him.  
  
"Lein!! I can expl- OW!!!"  
  
Lein landed right in the middle of his chest, and pinned him down.  
  
"Do.you.know.what.I.do.to.people.who.steal.my.PLUSHIES?!?!?!"  
  
"no. 0___0 ;;"  
  
"I TORTURE THEM!!!"  
  
Lein dug through her purple backpack, and came up with a pair of rusty pliers.  
  
"No. Not that!" pleaded Ashitaka.  
  
Lein grabbed a clump of Ashitaka's eyebrows with the pliers and began to pull.  
  
"Ow! Ow! Ow! OWWWW!!!" Ashitaka screamed as a clump of his eyebrows liberated themselves from his face.  
  
Lein continued pulling out her friend's eyebrows, until someone took her pliers without warning, but that was after she pulled every single solitary hair from his eyebrows.  
  
The Fire Faerie was holding her pliers. "Okay, up on your feet, brat."  
  
Lein stood up.  
  
"We are going to your mother!"  
  
Lein smiled. Her mom wasn't gonna care. After all, they were Dark Faeries.  
  
Bang Bang Bang! The Fire Faerie abused the doorknocker horrendously. Ashitaka was rubbing the place where his eyebrows had formerly existed Lein was pulling a bug apart.  
  
BANG BANG BANG!! She knocked harder, as Ashitaka drew some eyebrows on with a laundry marker, and Lein rolled the bug into a little ball.  
  
WHAM WHAM WHAM! This time, the door fell in. Jhudora appeared at the door, wearing nothing but a towel and a showercap.  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"Your daughter sabotaged the Wheel of Excitement!  
  
"Hold on, Let me get dressed! I'm taking a damn shower in here!  
  
About five minutes passed, then She reappeared wearing her normal outfit.  
  
"Okay! WHAT did she do now?!"  
  
"She rigged the wheel of excitement so that it sets people on fire as the mystery prize!"  
  
Jhudora sighed. "I'll talk to her. Lein, meet me in your room. I'll be waiting."  
  
Lein was really scared. This had never happened before. She followed her mother to her room, and sat down on the bed.  
  
"Lein." Jhudora said.  
  
End Chapter 1. 


	2. Jhudora's PO'ed

Chapter 2: Jhudora's P*ssed  
  
"Lein, how many times have I told you?! YOU CAN'T JUST USE THE SAME TRICKS OVER AND OVER AGAIN!!!"  
  
Lein hung her head.  
  
"You have to come up with new ways to spread petty evil, or soon they will come to recognize when it's you!"  
  
"I'm really sorry, Mom. Ashitaka mentioned it, and it was-"  
  
A vein in Jhudora's head was bulging out. "YOUR problem is that you listen too much to other people! You need to do your own thing, YOU'RE A DARK FAERIE, FOR CHRISSAKE!!!"  
  
Lein glared. "Then why the hell are YOU telling me what to do?!"  
  
Jhudora looked REALLY pissed for a moment then actually started to laugh.  
  
"There, you see what you're like when you listen to no one but you? You could be the dest bamn Dark Faerie there ever was if you did what YOU wanted!"  
  
"Don't you mean 'Best damn?'"  
  
"Don't correct me!"  
  
"Make me not!"  
  
Once again, she smiled. "See? All I ask is that you listen to no one, not even me, as long as you're being evil, and causing property damage-"  
  
"Can I burn the castle down?"  
  
"- As long is it's not mine." She added quickly."  
  
"I've been planning a big jewel heist, but There's one problem." Said Lein.  
  
"What's that?" asked Jhudora.  
  
"Where to find enough liquor to get the entire populace of Meridell drunk while I steal the prize jewels at the 1,234,567,890th annual Archery faire."  
  
Jhudora raised an eyebrow. "It's been around for that many years?"  
  
Lein smiled. "No, they have one every thirty minutes."  
  
Jhudora grinned evilly. "Leave that to me."  
  
NEXT DAY AT THE MERIDELL'S 1,234,567,890TH ARCHERY FAIRE.  
  
Every one was hanging out at the fair. There were games, prizes, and lots of punch. Illusen and another faerie who was in town were chatting by the punch bowl. The following is how their conversation went as they drank the punch:  
  
Illusen: So I told him, "I don't think you can trust that girl. (Sip)  
  
Random Faerie: Tell me about it. (Sip)  
  
I: Yeh, she is such a HO! (Sip)  
  
RF: How do you know? (Sip)  
  
I: Last year, she did the unspeakable with Lord Darigan to get a Darigan paintbrush! (Sip)  
  
RF: You mean.? (Sip)  
  
I: Yeh! (Hic) she and he called 900 numbers without her parents' permission! (Hic) Oh, great, now I have hiccups! (Sip)  
  
RF: That WHORE! (Sip-Hic!) Hey, so do I!  
  
I: Innyway, he and shee got to daeding. (Sip) (Hic)  
  
RF: Oh nno. (Sip) (Hic-Hic)  
  
I: An' shoon, thay wash doin' other thingsh too. Nowudd eye meen? (Sip) (Hic)  
  
RF: Yeh, eye doo. They shtarted calling thosh 900 numbersh too, ammai ryte? (Sip) (Hic)  
  
I: Yeh! Yeh that'sh ryte! Yoo are da sh*t!  
  
RF: No, Yore da sh*t!  
  
I: Whudjyoo call me?  
  
RF: Nothin'  
  
I: I'll shee yoo outshide!  
  
::They go outside and we hear the sounds of a drunken fight::  
  
Meanwhile, Lein was talking to her mother before she went to snatch the jewels.  
  
"Mom" she said, "Where did you find all that liquor?"  
  
Jhudora looked sly. "I picked up a copy of 'Moonshine for Dummies' at the neopian book store. Now go! Everyone is too drunk to notice you stealing the jewels!"  
  
Lein made a mad, but uneventful dash for the jewels, and pocketed a clean 1,000,000 NP after she hocked them at the pawnshop that afternoon under a fake name so that they couldn't trace the heist back to her.  
  
The next day, Jhudora was watching the Poogle races on channel 33. The announcer was yelling out what all was going on at the Poogle Track.  
  
"And number 3 pulls up! But number 5 is close behind! Number 1 is running like mad- what's this? The Poogles are running kind of funny, could everyone of them possibly have been injured? Yea, they have! There are tacks ALL OVER the final lap! They seem to have been dropped from above, but who did it? Perhaps an inept flying delivery boy-"  
  
Suddenly, the Track manager burst in.  
  
"Oh, shut up, Harry! We saw an unidentified Dark Faerie drop them! We need to get them off the track!"  
  
Harry began covering the rescue crew's efforts.  
  
"There are 14 neopians on the track, trying to rescue the Poogles! But what's this? They have no shoes! They must have been dining at that Japanese place on the corner of Cry an' Shame streets since they don't allow shoes! They are incapacitated!"  
  
The manager yelled at the cameraman. "Stop the F------ Camera!"  
  
The "technical difficulties" sign, which depicted a drunken faerie operating the camera, took the place of the race scene. Jhudora turned to the door, just as Lein came running in.  
  
"Good job, Lein. That was very spontaneous.  
  
"That's not alllll." She said. "My BIGGEST prank of all comes tomorrow.  
  
Vividoll: Join us next chapter to see Lein get more than she bargained for. Hee hee hee. 


End file.
